”The trouble is, you think you have time.
There’s been some development, my few lovely readers. First, I need to apologize. Weeks where I don’t post, though having said I plan to in previous posts, gives me guilt. I have the best intentions, but I am realizing the truth. My life nor my work is in a consistent and purposeful place yet. I am still building a framework. Therefore, I write when I can and when I have something to work through. Like today.
Trust there will be further developments, changes and something of a form which will soon enough be made clear. But not yet. And it can’t be rushed. If it were to be rushed, I know what forms will be out of vain, ego, short-sightedness and with a rickety foundation. This is my life’s work I’m trying to build, witness, pivot and sustain. So I must be careful and kind with myself and where I find myself on the journey.
This is a place to document my thoughts on that journey. At least for now. Not a place yet to solidify plans and promises. This is becoming a practice in patience with myself and my hazy dreams. If I can commit, go all in, well then I have time. I know the path my feet land on with each step is the one I want to be on. And that’s good enough for now. I’m here to take in the sights – what‘s in my peripherals. Walk slowly, stop, look up and ponder. Feel the awe. Help the caterpillar cross and so forth.
This, of course, has me reminded of the following quote. And there is truth to it – I believe it. However, I also believe in my need to be present and patient – knowing I’m in the long game here. And knowing that there isn’t use in putting all eggs in one basket of what I want to be true of my life in 30 years. All from what I think I’ll want then – now. And so, simply taking the steps I feel is right for right now is good for me. Ten steps down the road, I may find a fork in the road and change course. But I won’t know unless I start walking. And feel free to pivot as I go along, and as I evolve along with it.
What my soul needs is to believe there isn’t need to run. This path is mine to discover not only my life’s work and what I feel I can devote to and where my skills are best utilized, but also something else more personal. This path is helping me discover more of who I am. It’s helping to build my self-awareness, do some shadow-work. All for the aim of a life’s purpose, sure, but that’s only helping to keep me committed. I enjoy that I’m choosing to see the latter as supplemental or bonus work towards my ultimate goal. It feels all that more purposeful, then.
And as I’m already learning more of myself, how I can unlock happy moments in the day, what drains vs gives me energy, why I think the thoughts I think in the middle of the night, etc; Well – it’s all preparing me for what’s coming.
I just need to bare witness to the work, document as I go, keep pushing, apply what I learn, and then I ought to feel more like I’m leading a worthy and fulfilled life. Near the end of my days, when looking back at the prime of my life now, I’ll see more clearly why I went through this turbulence. Why it gnawed at me so. And why it became so important I didn’t silence my own screams.
As I’ve expressed before, this website serves as a journal for now. A place I can document my work and thoughts as I determine the business I’ll create.
I had considered a non-profit, in order to meet my requirement to help wildlife. But, I want to fund it myself, not depend on others in that way. I don’t want my time/effort to be placed towards seeking money. I want my time towards doing work that creates positive impact and profit, so I can use that profit for my own chosen good deeds. So there’s that – the concept of a business is to stay for the time being.
My about page holds one option for this ’business.’ However, I’m realizing I’m holding myself back. The new description of what this site is for comes from ‘in the box’ thinking, rather than ‘out of the box.’ And as I know my circle of influence is incredibly small, the outlets I can think of to expand my own thinking are also small, etc. – then I also realize that there is room to expand. To think more creatively. To not default to my old understanding of where/how I can supply value. That page is a bandaid, possibly. Due to lack of knowledge or limiting beliefs. [Update: Thankfully, my beloved About page only gets better now 😉 See it here!]
I’ve since pondered more about ‘my ideal day‘ in life. I allowed myself to dream big, not hold back based on my personality traits, my knowledge, what I thought I wanted or could do. And something profound, at least to me, came out of it. A silly and rough start to an exercise I had never tried. Not much time went into thinking before I began free writing on paper. I enjoyed the exercise. I had told myself I’d try this again the next day or a few days later, from a different corner of my brain and a new perspective. See what very new/different ‘ideal day’ I could come up with having made a determination to work on expanding my ideas. However, it never really happened. A new lock didn’t unlock because of it. And all I could do was continue thinking of what come of my first exercise. That, but only deeper. The vision of the ‘ideal day’ only becoming more vivid. The senses, I imagined, only more real. And it’s been that way ever since.
Who knows if it’s simply a ‘first impression’ kind of thing. Because anyone who really knows me knows that they guide much of my actions and perceptions of my life. But, perhaps its more complex than that. Perhaps it really is my ideal day, chicken-scratched on a loose piece of paper for now. I’ll write a blog post of it one of these days, maybe 🙂 It feels incredibly personal!
To close the loop, its that ‘ideal day’ which I keep returning to. Some of it is felt in my current about page, and therefore my current business development ideas. However, its not all there. So, last weekend I thought some more.
I’m a fan of this phrase, ‘creative solutions,’ I’ve used it for years. It reminds me to think bigger or to stay in the conceptual stage of brainstorm a touch longer. It also begs for celebration when a creative solution becomes the best course of action. I love them.
I feel I’ve utilized creative solutions in my very recent ideas to achieve my ideal day, and a business I can be very proud of. It’s different than what’s stated here on the site, but its aligned with the very same mission and overarching vision. Its just a different way of going about it. Too soon to state much, but a change in this site will come and a change in me, too. I need to become well-rounded to make this a success, release myself to the universe, seek power. But all through and for compassion – of course!
All in all, this loose business plan/strategy develops in 2-3 stages. First is a solution to build wealth through a system requiring a great deal of attention upfront but which can then become quite passive. I have an exact idea for this, and it does have the potential to build that wealth. Then I let that simmer, doing its thing, as I shift gears towards nature. Using my voice, documenting my actions, teaching and care-taking all together. At some point, these two separate forces become one and that’s where my ideal day becomes a reality. I see my team, I see the fusion, I see something new – different than what I see in the world now. Something the world needs. A new take or perspective. And boy oh boy, I’m the one who has it?! <3
Okay, so that’s a mouthful. And it’s hefty. Eye-brow raise, anyone? I get it. But I also quite feel it to be true. And holding onto that potential is important because it is possible.
If I were to be able to hold onto my vision, my ideal day, and release who I think I am for the possibility of who the universe may want me to be, then I’m on the right track.
If I can create a habit of witnessing my thoughts, my moves. If I can devote myself to being a lifelong learner, constantly mindful of what I choose to learn and how, and document and apply, then I’m on the right track.
If I continue to believe in myself, in my evolving work, and honor myself enough to give myself grace through this journey, I’m on the right track.
If I choose how to spend my hours carefully, and do the same in my choice of influences (people, books, etc), and my choice of thoughts. I’m on the right track.
If I am deliberate, I am right and can shift the world.
And what I find I’m really appreciating is what’s being unlocked as a result of this thinking. My mind, now more free thanks to a deeper dive (who would have thought?), is seemingly firing off more. Connecting the dots in logistical ways back towards my original and chosen ‘life’s work’ – this website to put it simply.
I’m realizing why I feel parts are such a struggle, what weaknesses or hesitations I need to work on. I’m now looking into gaining a certificate from Harvard – rather than simple books. (Completed Sustainable Business Strategy!) Rather than finding conservationists on twitter, I found and am now part of an entire community on another site, Wildhub, as one example. I’m removing obstacles, I’m honing in on the good, I’m understanding what I need in order to do what I want and I’m choosing an order which propels my efforts the quickest.
This is what I mean by ensuring I continue to witness what’s happening, and documenting. Just writing this helps make it more clear – even just for me. And for now, that’s all I need this place to exist for. But perhaps, if anyone reads these while they’re up, these exercises to document as I discover will help another work through their own troubles too.
Soon enough here, I’ll create a page on this website to hold a list of resources as I learn of them. It’s already getting a bit out of hand 🙂 and I know I’ll have reason to review the list for my own good. But, as I stated in the beginning of this writing – I’m not making promises. I don’t know when I’ll get to it. And that.. feels pretty good to say. 😉